On the Eve of Your Adoption

It is the Eve of Your Adoption Little Ones and there is so much running through my mind.... We had said yes and no so many times, and those seemed like possibilities, but when I heard about you, I knew you were mine.  I was on a business trip in Illinois.  I saw your pictures while on a Hertz shuttle  traveling to pick up my rental car.  That night, I picked out a big rug checker set for my son and a little black dress with white polka dots for my daughter.  A few weeks later, they told us that they selected someone else to be your mommy.  I didn't understand, you were supposed to be mine.  A week later, we got the call. I KNEW IT!  The meetings and the the first month were a blur of sickness, transition, and overwhelming emotions for everyone.  How was I supposed to balance being a mom, wife, and working a job that required travel? But we survived and on the eve of this important event, there is so much I want to say to you...

You are wanted, you are special, and we chose you.  God knew you were the missing puzzle pieces in our family, but we chose YOU because you are special and worthy of love. We wanted to grow our family in this way not for reasons of infertility, but because we desired to say to you, "We Choose You." My son, your kind and generous heart, unique view on life, and perseverance despite repeated rejection and abuse is something I admire.  You were told to go live in another home with new adults that would be able to "take care of you," just like you were told so many times before. Why would we be different?  Would you like it here?  Will these people hurt me like so many others before?  When can I go back to my family?  I am sure these questions and many more poured through your little mind.  Over these past 7 months, you have tested our patience and wills too many times to count.  But there has been SO much more than that.  Thank you for the gift of being able to lead you into a relationship with Christ. It is a day I will never forget and thank you for the privilege of being able to hear your sweet, simple prayers every day. You have been brave and revealed pain at depths I will never understand.  On the eve of your adoption, I want you to know that I understand where your little heart wants to live, but there is room in your heart for her and for me. I can share.  You can trust me with your pain and trust that I will NEVER cause you that pain.

My daughter, on the eve of your adoption, I think about the challenges you have overcome in your short life.  During our first adoption training class, we had to draw our "ideal" child.  The most important quality I listed was "Fighter".  I got a lot of looks and questions for that, but now I understand.  YOU are my fighter.  To overcome the cognitive and physical delays you were challenged with in such a short period of time, you had to be a fighter.    Your fascination with wearing shoes on your hands, puppies, swimming, and meatballs do not allow me to stress about anything within 10 minutes of being around you! Your strong will and determination, paired with the sweetest spirit and silly sense of humor light up my life daily.

On the eve of your adoptions, I know that though you did not grow in my belly, you grew in my heart and there are no children I could bear that would be more like John and I.  Our sweet son, you are sensitive and emotional, just like John.  Beautiful Daughter, you are opinionated and have the strongest will, just like me.  I know that there will be challenges with our likenesses, but I look forward to the day when you are my best friends.

On the eve of your adoptions, I question my ability to guide and lead you through your lives.  I pray that as you grow older and the questions intensify, that God gives me the answers that your hearts desire in order for you to find peace with your pasts.  I pray that I can be a spiritual example for you and teach you not only how to find your God-given purposes, but how to love others in the process. I pray that your futures are bright, that you find joy in your marriages, in your children, and your relationships with Jesus.

On the eve of your adoptions, I promise that I will protect you from everything that I can.  I promise that I will teach you all that I know. I promise that I will love you with every fiber of my being.  I promise that no matter how you feel about yourself, I will be there to pick you up and point you to Jesus.  On the eve of your adoptions, my promise is forever.  Just like I sing to you every night, "I Choose You."I CHOOSE YOU