Certified!!!

The rest of the training process was pretty straightforward.  The last training session was a panel of current/past foster-adopt families who shared their experiences with us.  It was incredible and frustrating to listen to their stories.  A common theme throughout was just the huge number of foster families who are just in in for the subsidy.  They do not care about the children, their needs, or have their best interest in mind when making decisions.  There were a few who were lucky enough to have caring, good-hearted foster families taking care of their children before they were placed in their home.  Another shocking realization was that when we meet with our social worker and the child's social worker to determine if it is a good match, we are given a rundown of the child's history and issues.  These can be very misleading as its just the notes of the many social workers assigned to the child.  Over time, this can be misinterpreted, assigned inappropriate labels, and affect the "adoptability probability" of the child.  For example, one family met their son and was told he was considered "unadoptable."  He was in foster care because he showed up to the hospital with severe head trauma.  When they met him at 18 months old, he was on dozens of medications and was told they were unsure of his cognitive ability.  He is now 3 years old, and was running around the room playing with his train.  He is brilliant, is on NO medications, and interacts just like any other 3 year old boy.  It just reaffirms the fact that when children are placed in a stable, loving home, they will grow leaps and bounds.  They just need to be given a chance.  All the stories were pretty similar... a scary history, a leap of faith, and growth beyond what was believed or anticipated.

Family-Friends Support Group
On October 13th, we had our physical home inspection and our social worker met with our family and close friends for a final evaluation.  The home inspection took only about 15 minutes (and after all that preparing... sheesh!!)  We ate dinner and our social worker answered the questions of our family members.  It was much less painful than I anticipated and it was so nice to gather together and celebrate this new journey we are about to embark upon!

FINALLY CERTIFIED!!
Thursday, November 20th, we received an email that we are OFFICIALLY a certified foster-adopt family home and can begin the matching process!  We aren't sure how long this will take or where our child will come from, but we are so excited to begin the next leg of the journey!

                                                                      So excited!!!!


PRAYER REQUESTS:
- Boundless faith through the matching process, where we will have to make quick decisions with limited and oftentimes, scary information
- I am beginning a new career in a few weeks which will require me to travel.  Please pray for coordinated schedules, plenty of family time, and flexibility.
- With the new job, we will be selling our home in the new year and moving.  Please pray for wisdom throughout that process and determining where to live.

The Interviews

The last few weeks have been eventful in that we finished our training and went through three interviews!

                                   We received our training completion- September 13, 2014

Couples Interview- September 2, 2014
It was a crazy morning because I passed out a few minutes after getting out of the shower.  Since then, all my food allergies have disappeared... praise the Lord, I truly believe it was a miracle!  We decided to forge ahead and drive to Orange County for our couples interview.  We met with our social worker in her office and she proceeded to spend the next 60 minutes asking us questions about how we met, our marriage, how we handle conflict, what were our plans for child care, what do we do for fun, etc.  We took turns answering her.  It is interesting going through that experience because it gives you the opportunity to really think about your spouse, their wonderful qualities, and what they bring to the relationship.  I am so excited and blessed to be able to go on this crazy journey with my best friend!

My Individual Interview- September 2, 2014
My individual interview was right after our couples interview with our social worker.  She asked me about my family, my upbringing, religious beliefs, how I handle stress, how I view discipline, etc.  It was pretty straightforward!

The Jester's Individual Interview- September 8, 2014
The Jester had his interview this past week.  He was very nervous for it, but made it through just fine!  They asked him the same questions.


Next up, Babyproofing our home for our home inspection!!!!  The date is TBD, but should be happening in the next 3 weeks or so.

                                        The babyproofing kit I picked up on EBTKS!!!

This past week, I had the opportunity to attend a foster-adopt support group held at our church.  The speaker was a licensed Family Therapist and it ended up being a meeting where each of the participants discussed their children and how best to help them.  Hearing their VERY intense, VERY real stories were both terrifying and exciting.  It is very apparent that the foster-adopt process breaks you in every possible way and stretches you further than you ever thought possible.  To take a child into your family that has seen hurt and pain way beyond anyone's years, and then love them despite their best intentions and efforts to push you away will be something that only God will be able to support us through.  While I know the journey will seem thankless and unbearable at times, I need to remember that we are called to do this and by keeping anchored in Jesus, all things and transformations will be possible.

During my prayer time, I pray daily for our child(ren) and that they have a great, happy day.  It struck me this week that we are nearing the end of the certification process and that it is highly likely that our child is already alive and existing.  It made the urgency of my prayers that much greater.  I know that they must go through unbearable pain and loss to become part of our family, but I pray that they know and feel the love and protection of Jesus through the process and that He will shelter them from the worst of it.

I have posted a video underneath our prayer requests that gives just a glimpse into the perspective of foster children.  Its heart wrenching, but worth the watch if you have a few minutes!

Prayer Requests:

- That God will bring the right child(ren) into our home in the right time and that we will be open to accepting who God has planned for our family, no matter the amount of needs or severity of the situation.
-That I am content in my work and continue to view it as supportive of our impending big-life change.
- That God continues to create capacity in our hearts and lives for our new family members.
-While we understand conceptually that it may take several months before we receive a placement, I have an urgent feeling to GET THINGS READY RIGHT NOW!  Perhaps its an urging because it is coming faster than we expect, or maybe it is just my excited anticipation talking!

Training Part One: A Whole New World!

To prepare us to be effective fost-adopt parents, we were required to attend a 30 hour course over the past few months to discuss the "special needs" of children in "the system."  In our class, we have a diverse mix of family situations, and even those with decades of parenting experience were required to attend since apparently parenting biological children is WORLDS different than foster children.  Each week, our eyes have been opened to the direness of the foster care system, the overwhelming need for more people to become certified, willing families, and to open their hearts and homes to children in need.  My mother has attended many of the classes with us, which has been amazing!

                                          First day of School... errr, Training!  July 10, 2014

Week One/Two: Child Development, an Overview of the Process, and Introduction to Key Issues
Those of you who know me, know that I am OBSESSED with learning and have always loved school.  Let's blame my teacher parents and grandparents (both sides) for my nerdiness, okay?  Since I had already read a trillion books, articles, and blogs in anticipation, I was disappointed in how basic the first class was.  Hello, it was an introduction... what was I thinking?  The Jester said he learned a lot.  We did have to do a disturbing exercise where we drew our perfect child, then ripped it up to get rid of our expectations.  My mother refused to rip up her grandchild and instead stuffed it into her purse.  Love my mom!  Throughout this process, I have come to find out that I am a lot like my mother, which I am so proud of.  My mother is one of the sweetest, happiest, and most genuine people I know, and if I am even a little like her, I am so lucky!

Week Three: The Legal System
Talk about ripping your hair out!  This class was all about the legal system as it pertains to foster-adopt children.  Even the social workers explained that it was a broken system and they children were the ones hurt. She went through a "perfect" scenario where everything followed along smoothly without continuances to permanency (aka= adoption).  Say the child was removed from the home at 2 years old and did not go through the horrible process of being removed several times from their home.  It take about 9 months (best case scenario if the parent doesn't follow their program at all) until the court decides the parent is unfit and their services are terminated.  This means they are no longer getting assistance from the court, but they still have their rights.  This is when a fost-adopt family is selected and the child is placed in a home with the intention towards adoption.  Over the next 6-12 months, the court terminates the parental rights and adoption is finalized.  Okay, lets summarize.... a child who has no fault in the matter is removed from their home at 2 years old, is moved from one foster home to another (we were told most were in about 3-4 homes before their adoptive home) over the next few years, and is finally adopted at 4.  FOUR!!  That is 2 years of having no permanence and relationships that don't last.  Needless to say, this was an extremely discouraging week.

We had the awesome privilege of babysitting to get John some experience with children!  

Week Four: Attachment

Now, as you just heard, the children are moved around SO many times and people are in and out of their lives constantly.  If you were that child, wouldn't you give up making friends or attachments with other people since it has ALWAYS resulted in pain and loss for you?  Attachment is one of the biggest issues and hurdles in adoption and foster care.  There are many children diagnosed with Attachment Disorder because they have never been able to form healthy attachments with anyone.  (See prayer needs below)

Week Five: Openness in Adoption

This week was fascinating since they brought in a panel of people who had been adopted out of different situations and the themes were all too familiar.  The major two feelings/fears of adopted/foster children are abandonment and rejection.  In all of their relationships, even into adulthood, they fear being abandoned again or rejected for their feelings or behavior.  These were grown, healthy adults (one was even a therapist) who were giving us invaluable insight into the minds of the children who will be placed into our home!

Week Six:  Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and Neglect

I won't spend much time on this topic.  Basically, the children are in care for a reason and ALL have experienced one of the three for an extended period of time.  Most children do not fully describe what they have been through until they form healthy attachments, so we will have no idea what our child has experienced or lived through for quite awhile.  

Week Seven: Transracial and Transcultural Placements

This was a very interesting week.  We watched quite a few videos on transracial placements and how the children felt and did exercises on how to change your family from a one-race family to a multi-cultural family.  The exercises were eye opening to me in that I did not realize how diverse my life and community really is, but also how much I do not know about living as a minority in this country.  It gave us a lot to think and pray about!

This Saturday we have our all-day training on the end of the certification process, and next week is our final class, complete with a panel of adoptive and foster parents.  So excited!!

If you have made it through to this point, please do keep reading.  Each week, our hearts are breaking for these children in foster care.  We hear story after story of children sleeping the offices of DCFS in Los Angeles County because there are not enough willing families.  I encourage you, can you be one of those families?  This process has required us to take a hard look at who we are, what our world looks like, and how we can make a difference.  Please keep us in your prayers, especially about the concerns below.  Though we feel led to go on this journey, it is so difficult to step out in faith into the unknown and take on the pain these children have endured.  Your continued prayers mean so much to us!

Prayer Requests:

- That we remain open to the placement(s) God has in his will for us

- That we will be able to help our child form healthy attachments quickly in order to minimize their pain

- That we remain Christ-centered through the process

- While we understand that our child is going through or will soon go through traumatic experiences in order to come to us, we pray that through the process, there is someone who is there for them and they experience/know Christ's love and protection throughout the process.

"The Process"... so far

We attended our informational orientation at the end of April and submitted our first packet of paperwork the next day. The packet went to the Kinship Director to be evaluated on whether or not it seemed we were a good fit for their agency, A few weeks later, we were assigned to and contacted by our Kinship social worker.  She sent us another packet of paperwork and we set up an interview for June 9th.

                                          Here is The Jester excitedly mailing our Paperwork #2!- May 2014


THE INTERVIEW

We weren't quite sure what to expect for the interview, but we went into the office and our social worker and her intern were there.  It seemed very informal, but she asked us to expand on some of the questions we answered in the paperwork.  Some of the questions were what religion do we practice, how do we intend to discipline the child, are we open to visitation from relatives and siblings, what are behaviors we would accept, etc.  We were a little caught off guard by the "what type of behaviors would you accept" question.  I asked her to give us examples of typical behaviors for foster children and she said for a child 0-4 years old, the main behavioral issues are: lying, stealing, tantrums, and hoarding food (since they are often starved and neglected).  Besides the hoarding of food, these seemed like typical child behaviors every parent would need to address.  What was surprising was that she said she had to ask because many people come in expecting a perfect child and they need to weed out those couples.  Strange right?  Of course these are not perfect children... is there such a thing?  She liked our answers and felt we were a good fit and told us we would receive another packet in the mail and to get ready for our training!

                                           This is a picture of us after our interview!- June 9, 2014
ChildSHARE DINNER

ChildShare is a non-profit, Christian organization who supports families going through the foster-adopt process.  They provide encouragement, prayer, and guidance during the tough certification process and support once there is a placement.  We met one of their recruiters, Stephen during our church's fost-adopt fair and have kept in touch ever since.  He has been very supportive and assisted us in choosing a Foster Family Agency (Kinship).  ChildShare hosts a dinner at their President's house for those in the cert process and we attended the dinner in Yorba Linda.  We weren't expecting to have a great time, since when you put a bunch of random strangers in a room together, it typically ends up being awkward.  Far from it!  The staff shared stories about their own relationship with the fost-adopt process and answered our questions and addressed our fears.  The President spent time in foster care himself and his story was just so inspirational!  We left with a blanket for our little one and more hope for the journey we feel God has called us to take.

                                          Such a fun, inspirational evening!- June 21, 2014

PACKET #3

The third packet was a DOOZY, let me tell you!  It included tons of document requests: Original DMV records, copies of our marriage licenses, an emergency evacuation diagram of our home, and lots of other goodies.  The most grueling part of the packet were the two questionnaires.  Each of the sets of paperwork thus far have required us to outline our "preferences" for a child.  Can I stop there?  I think that is such a strange way to phrase that... almost as if we are picking out airline seats or a menu selection for a wedding... I guess there is not anything better to call it. Anyways.... Each packet has required us to delve a little deeper and be even more specific.  This packet was VERY SPECIFIC on ages, gender or perceived gender, abilities, and backgrounds.  Such a strange concept to have to ask yourself: Am I okay if the biological parents are Mother and Son?  Father and Daughter?  Step brother and Step Sister?  Am I okay with a child who is born testing positive for ___________ (insert your drug name here)?  At one point, it asked if we were okay with children who had explosive outbursts and The Jester mentioned, "Are they going to ask us if its alright if the kid has outbursts of using explosions?  So many questions!"  Well.... not two pages later and they ask if we are willing to accept a child who has a history of burning things on purpose.  WOW.... its a shock to think about what some of these little ones have faced and overcome during their short lives.  After that questionnaire, we each had an 18 page questionnaire to fill out asking about how we were raised, our relationships with our families, our marriage, how we deal with conflict, our religious views, etc.  That part was not too difficult.  The next part however, took a few days to get through.  There was a section on family life and how things operate every day with children in the house.  They specified that if we do not have children, we should write how we intend to deal with these things.  Now, as a biological parent, you get to address things as they come, you know the child and have since birth.  This is a different situation.  We had to sit and talk about whether we felt it appropriate for children to sleep in our bed, until what age, are we strict, do we make exceptions, if so/when?  We pretty much had to discuss our entire parenting philosophy right then and there.  Thats not to say that we cannot change our minds as we become more experienced, but talk about hitting the ground at a sprint?!

  Who can be so happy at a Police Station?  July 8, 2014

Part of the packet required us to get fingerprinted.  The Jester wanted to go to a Police station to ensure that our information was protected... no Mailboxes Etc. for us!  I made 2 appointments for the next day.  We showed up at 1:00pm to get fingerprinted and the woman informed us that since we each need to get for 2 different systems, that we needed 4 appointments.  I asked if we could see if we could get everything done within our appointment times, and she said no.  Since I was on my lunch break and The Jester works from home, we decided he would return another day.  I went to the back and had my prints taken within 30 minutes.  Hmmmm.... and why couldnt he have used the other appointment time for his?  Bureaucracy at its best people!!  Anyway, the grand total for each of us for fingerprints was $106!!! Holy frijoles that is a lot of paper!

MORE TO COME ON TRAINING IN A FEW!

How we came to this....

My husband (hereby referred to as The Jester from now on) and I met in AP English our senior year of high school.  We fell in love within a month, dated throughout college, and married our senior year of college.  We are 100% made for one another and that is obvious in our life goals, faith, values, terrible senses of humor, and most other facets of our personalities.  While in college, we talked about adoption being something we both desired and felt called to do.  In the Bible, Christians are directed to care for the widows and orphans of the world.  Fast forward many years to about a year and a half ago.  The Jester and I began "the discussion" of when, how many, how's this gonna go in relation to the whole kid thing.  We toyed with the idea of trying for our own biological children, but decided that many people do not feel the call to adoption and that since we did, why not go that route first or maybe only?

Being the crazy planning and research obsessed person that I am, I immediately went into research mode about every form and process of adoption in order to map out our journey as best I could.  We attended a Riverside County orientation, which scared the socks off of The Jester and I.  I am pretty sure it was intended to scare away people who only view foster care as a business, but going through the County just didn't seem like the right fit for us.  Researching private adoptions came up with total sticker shock as we discovered it cost between $20,000-50,000 to adopt privately or internationally.  Oh heck no!!!  A few months ago, we attended a foster-adopt support group at our wonderful church where we discovered that there are foster family agencies, which are non-profit organizations who can certify you to become eligible to foster-adopt.  We chose Kinship Center, based out of Orange County and Redlands, to be our agency.  Since then, we have started the process, which will soon follow in another post.  

Our hope for this blog is that it will be a way for us to memorialize our journey through the foster-adopt  process, provide encouragement to those who think they can't do it, and have as much faith through the process as possible.  If you are willing, please pray for us throughout our journey!

Our Prayers:

- Let us keep our eyes prayerfully on the will He has for our family, especially in regards to the specific needs of the children we may be matched with.

- Keep our hearts guarded against spiritual attack, especially fear.