First day of School... errr, Training! July 10, 2014
Week One/Two: Child Development, an Overview of the Process, and Introduction to Key Issues
Those of you who know me, know that I am OBSESSED with learning and have always loved school. Let's blame my teacher parents and grandparents (both sides) for my nerdiness, okay? Since I had already read a trillion books, articles, and blogs in anticipation, I was disappointed in how basic the first class was. Hello, it was an introduction... what was I thinking? The Jester said he learned a lot. We did have to do a disturbing exercise where we drew our perfect child, then ripped it up to get rid of our expectations. My mother refused to rip up her grandchild and instead stuffed it into her purse. Love my mom! Throughout this process, I have come to find out that I am a lot like my mother, which I am so proud of. My mother is one of the sweetest, happiest, and most genuine people I know, and if I am even a little like her, I am so lucky!
Week Three: The Legal System
Talk about ripping your hair out! This class was all about the legal system as it pertains to foster-adopt children. Even the social workers explained that it was a broken system and they children were the ones hurt. She went through a "perfect" scenario where everything followed along smoothly without continuances to permanency (aka= adoption). Say the child was removed from the home at 2 years old and did not go through the horrible process of being removed several times from their home. It take about 9 months (best case scenario if the parent doesn't follow their program at all) until the court decides the parent is unfit and their services are terminated. This means they are no longer getting assistance from the court, but they still have their rights. This is when a fost-adopt family is selected and the child is placed in a home with the intention towards adoption. Over the next 6-12 months, the court terminates the parental rights and adoption is finalized. Okay, lets summarize.... a child who has no fault in the matter is removed from their home at 2 years old, is moved from one foster home to another (we were told most were in about 3-4 homes before their adoptive home) over the next few years, and is finally adopted at 4. FOUR!! That is 2 years of having no permanence and relationships that don't last. Needless to say, this was an extremely discouraging week.
We had the awesome privilege of babysitting to get John some experience with children!
Week Four: Attachment
Now, as you just heard, the children are moved around SO many times and people are in and out of their lives constantly. If you were that child, wouldn't you give up making friends or attachments with other people since it has ALWAYS resulted in pain and loss for you? Attachment is one of the biggest issues and hurdles in adoption and foster care. There are many children diagnosed with Attachment Disorder because they have never been able to form healthy attachments with anyone. (See prayer needs below)
Week Five: Openness in Adoption
This week was fascinating since they brought in a panel of people who had been adopted out of different situations and the themes were all too familiar. The major two feelings/fears of adopted/foster children are abandonment and rejection. In all of their relationships, even into adulthood, they fear being abandoned again or rejected for their feelings or behavior. These were grown, healthy adults (one was even a therapist) who were giving us invaluable insight into the minds of the children who will be placed into our home!
Week Six: Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and Neglect
I won't spend much time on this topic. Basically, the children are in care for a reason and ALL have experienced one of the three for an extended period of time. Most children do not fully describe what they have been through until they form healthy attachments, so we will have no idea what our child has experienced or lived through for quite awhile.
Week Seven: Transracial and Transcultural Placements
This was a very interesting week. We watched quite a few videos on transracial placements and how the children felt and did exercises on how to change your family from a one-race family to a multi-cultural family. The exercises were eye opening to me in that I did not realize how diverse my life and community really is, but also how much I do not know about living as a minority in this country. It gave us a lot to think and pray about!
This Saturday we have our all-day training on the end of the certification process, and next week is our final class, complete with a panel of adoptive and foster parents. So excited!!
If you have made it through to this point, please do keep reading. Each week, our hearts are breaking for these children in foster care. We hear story after story of children sleeping the offices of DCFS in Los Angeles County because there are not enough willing families. I encourage you, can you be one of those families? This process has required us to take a hard look at who we are, what our world looks like, and how we can make a difference. Please keep us in your prayers, especially about the concerns below. Though we feel led to go on this journey, it is so difficult to step out in faith into the unknown and take on the pain these children have endured. Your continued prayers mean so much to us!
Prayer Requests:
- That we remain open to the placement(s) God has in his will for us
- That we will be able to help our child form healthy attachments quickly in order to minimize their pain
- That we remain Christ-centered through the process
- While we understand that our child is going through or will soon go through traumatic experiences in order to come to us, we pray that through the process, there is someone who is there for them and they experience/know Christ's love and protection throughout the process.
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