It is the Eve of Your Adoption Little Ones and there is so much running through my mind.... We had said yes and no so many times, and those seemed like possibilities, but when I heard about you, I knew you were mine. I was on a business trip in Illinois. I saw your pictures while on a Hertz shuttle traveling to pick up my rental car. That night, I picked out a big rug checker set for my son and a little black dress with white polka dots for my daughter. A few weeks later, they told us that they selected someone else to be your mommy. I didn't understand, you were supposed to be mine. A week later, we got the call. I KNEW IT! The meetings and the the first month were a blur of sickness, transition, and overwhelming emotions for everyone. How was I supposed to balance being a mom, wife, and working a job that required travel? But we survived and on the eve of this important event, there is so much I want to say to you...
You are wanted, you are special, and we chose you. God knew you were the missing puzzle pieces in our family, but we chose YOU because you are special and worthy of love. We wanted to grow our family in this way not for reasons of infertility, but because we desired to say to you, "We Choose You." My son, your kind and generous heart, unique view on life, and perseverance despite repeated rejection and abuse is something I admire. You were told to go live in another home with new adults that would be able to "take care of you," just like you were told so many times before. Why would we be different? Would you like it here? Will these people hurt me like so many others before? When can I go back to my family? I am sure these questions and many more poured through your little mind. Over these past 7 months, you have tested our patience and wills too many times to count. But there has been SO much more than that. Thank you for the gift of being able to lead you into a relationship with Christ. It is a day I will never forget and thank you for the privilege of being able to hear your sweet, simple prayers every day. You have been brave and revealed pain at depths I will never understand. On the eve of your adoption, I want you to know that I understand where your little heart wants to live, but there is room in your heart for her and for me. I can share. You can trust me with your pain and trust that I will NEVER cause you that pain.
My daughter, on the eve of your adoption, I think about the challenges you have overcome in your short life. During our first adoption training class, we had to draw our "ideal" child. The most important quality I listed was "Fighter". I got a lot of looks and questions for that, but now I understand. YOU are my fighter. To overcome the cognitive and physical delays you were challenged with in such a short period of time, you had to be a fighter. Your fascination with wearing shoes on your hands, puppies, swimming, and meatballs do not allow me to stress about anything within 10 minutes of being around you! Your strong will and determination, paired with the sweetest spirit and silly sense of humor light up my life daily.
On the eve of your adoptions, I know that though you did not grow in my belly, you grew in my heart and there are no children I could bear that would be more like John and I. Our sweet son, you are sensitive and emotional, just like John. Beautiful Daughter, you are opinionated and have the strongest will, just like me. I know that there will be challenges with our likenesses, but I look forward to the day when you are my best friends.
On the eve of your adoptions, I question my ability to guide and lead you through your lives. I pray that as you grow older and the questions intensify, that God gives me the answers that your hearts desire in order for you to find peace with your pasts. I pray that I can be a spiritual example for you and teach you not only how to find your God-given purposes, but how to love others in the process. I pray that your futures are bright, that you find joy in your marriages, in your children, and your relationships with Jesus.
On the eve of your adoptions, I promise that I will protect you from everything that I can. I promise that I will teach you all that I know. I promise that I will love you with every fiber of my being. I promise that no matter how you feel about yourself, I will be there to pick you up and point you to Jesus. On the eve of your adoptions, my promise is forever. Just like I sing to you every night, "I Choose You."I CHOOSE YOU
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
Thursday, April 2, 2015
We are matched!! WHAT?!
First off, I want to say thank you to everyone who has been praying for us throughout this journey. It has definitely been a huge help! Now, let's dive into the good stuff! This post will revolve a lot around WHAT?! since that is the general feeling of awe and wonder in God and His miraculous timing. We heard that the social workers had a matching meeting for the younger sibling set (Girl 9 mos, Boy 5 yrs) and we were the #2 family on the list. Bummed, but keeping the faith of the "right kids at the right time," we continued on with work and life as usual. A few weeks ago, The Jester and I received an email from Superhero (our social worker's code name), letting us know that the other family decided not to go forward and we were officially "matched" with the kids if we wanted to be!
The exact same night, we received a call from our realtor with an offer on our home. God is good! I had a feeling this would all happen around the same time! Not to mention, The Jester got his contract signed that day as well (phew!). Over the next few days, emails between all the social workers went back and forth giving us more information and setting the date for the "full disclosure meeting." We let them know that we are moving, but they were okay with it and wanted to proceed with the meeting. We figured the children moving in would need to be timed with our relocation.
Over the weekend, we were asked to make a scrapbook of our life and what the children should expect in their new life with us. The social worker or current family will read it to the boy in anticipation of our first visit, so we are not as new and scary as he might imagine. The Jester and I spent WAYYYY too much time and money in Michael's buying all of the supplies for what was described as "the best scrapbook she has ever seen," by the Superhero. BOOM!
Definition of Full Disclosure Meeting:
A gathering between social workers and prospective adoptive parents where they give you the (known) details of the children, their case, and basically scare the poo out of you.
Our meeting was this past Monday and the process was very interesting. We met Superhero outside, watched Cinderella for a few minutes in the waiting room, then moved into a visitation room to meet the social worker. The children's social worker began the meeting by jumping into the details of why placements have not worked out, why their current adoptive home is not working out, and things we should be aware of before fully committing to taking the children in. While the backgrounds were a little more severe than we were aware of, the delays and challenges were just as we had been told by Superhero, and neither of us were shaken by what we were told. We asked several questions and discussed visitation. It was during this meeting that we received the biggest shock..... because of an impending court date, they would like the children to move in with us ASAP, despite our move. WHAT???!!! We were asked to go home and think about it and let her know by the end of the week. We walked outside and it was no question for us, we had already thought and prayed about it.
Our first visit is on Monday morning at the current foster family's home!! We are so very excited and nervous at the same time! We will most likely visit daily, as the anticipated move-in date is NEXT FRIDAY!!! Again, WHAT?!
7 years ago, we made a commitment to adopt 2 beautiful, loyal fur babies. Under no circumstances will be get rid of our dogs, so one of the visits next week will be having them meet the children to make sure they will all get along. Our dogs have never met children before, so we are not sure how they will react, especially since they are very skiddish around people (they are rescues). This is the biggest part of the entire process for us, and it may turn out that we will not be able to go through with the match, I anticipate that visit will be next Wednesday, so PLEASE PLEASE pray that our pups will understand that these are littles and not to jump on them or scare them. This process has been a journey of faith and obedience, and this is just another example of that. Because they are so nervous, it makes me nervous, but we feel that we are being led to go on this journey, so He will find a way to make it happen if thats His will. Also for this reason, I cannot bring myself to purchase anything until that visit goes well... which will leave like 1.5 days to get everything we need when it goes well.....(did you like my subtle slip to convince myself to stop panicking?)
When the children move in, we will be packing and getting ready for our move to.... not sure where yet..... since we have not found a location or even focused on one city to move to. We had our home inspection this past Tuesday and our appraisal is today, which is why we have the brakes on signing a lease elsewhere.
Overall, this entire journey is only survivable when we rely 100% on Jesus and his plan for our lives.
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremian 29:11 (NLT)
Relying on Him for the appraisal to go well, to find somewhere to live, despite having 2 new small children in the home and 2 fur babies, to find all the "stuff" they will need, to make the meeting with the dogs go smoothly.... For relying on Him that the boy will adjust to being removed from a place where he is attached, and into another new home, for continuing to work throughout this process, and for our hearts to remain fully fixed on Jesus through the process.... NO. MATTER. WHAT.
Thank you again for the prayers, we would not survive without them!
The exact same night, we received a call from our realtor with an offer on our home. God is good! I had a feeling this would all happen around the same time! Not to mention, The Jester got his contract signed that day as well (phew!). Over the next few days, emails between all the social workers went back and forth giving us more information and setting the date for the "full disclosure meeting." We let them know that we are moving, but they were okay with it and wanted to proceed with the meeting. We figured the children moving in would need to be timed with our relocation.
Over the weekend, we were asked to make a scrapbook of our life and what the children should expect in their new life with us. The social worker or current family will read it to the boy in anticipation of our first visit, so we are not as new and scary as he might imagine. The Jester and I spent WAYYYY too much time and money in Michael's buying all of the supplies for what was described as "the best scrapbook she has ever seen," by the Superhero. BOOM!
Definition of Full Disclosure Meeting:
A gathering between social workers and prospective adoptive parents where they give you the (known) details of the children, their case, and basically scare the poo out of you.
Our meeting was this past Monday and the process was very interesting. We met Superhero outside, watched Cinderella for a few minutes in the waiting room, then moved into a visitation room to meet the social worker. The children's social worker began the meeting by jumping into the details of why placements have not worked out, why their current adoptive home is not working out, and things we should be aware of before fully committing to taking the children in. While the backgrounds were a little more severe than we were aware of, the delays and challenges were just as we had been told by Superhero, and neither of us were shaken by what we were told. We asked several questions and discussed visitation. It was during this meeting that we received the biggest shock..... because of an impending court date, they would like the children to move in with us ASAP, despite our move. WHAT???!!! We were asked to go home and think about it and let her know by the end of the week. We walked outside and it was no question for us, we had already thought and prayed about it.
Our first visit is on Monday morning at the current foster family's home!! We are so very excited and nervous at the same time! We will most likely visit daily, as the anticipated move-in date is NEXT FRIDAY!!! Again, WHAT?!
7 years ago, we made a commitment to adopt 2 beautiful, loyal fur babies. Under no circumstances will be get rid of our dogs, so one of the visits next week will be having them meet the children to make sure they will all get along. Our dogs have never met children before, so we are not sure how they will react, especially since they are very skiddish around people (they are rescues). This is the biggest part of the entire process for us, and it may turn out that we will not be able to go through with the match, I anticipate that visit will be next Wednesday, so PLEASE PLEASE pray that our pups will understand that these are littles and not to jump on them or scare them. This process has been a journey of faith and obedience, and this is just another example of that. Because they are so nervous, it makes me nervous, but we feel that we are being led to go on this journey, so He will find a way to make it happen if thats His will. Also for this reason, I cannot bring myself to purchase anything until that visit goes well... which will leave like 1.5 days to get everything we need when it goes well.....(did you like my subtle slip to convince myself to stop panicking?)
When the children move in, we will be packing and getting ready for our move to.... not sure where yet..... since we have not found a location or even focused on one city to move to. We had our home inspection this past Tuesday and our appraisal is today, which is why we have the brakes on signing a lease elsewhere.
Overall, this entire journey is only survivable when we rely 100% on Jesus and his plan for our lives.
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremian 29:11 (NLT)
Relying on Him for the appraisal to go well, to find somewhere to live, despite having 2 new small children in the home and 2 fur babies, to find all the "stuff" they will need, to make the meeting with the dogs go smoothly.... For relying on Him that the boy will adjust to being removed from a place where he is attached, and into another new home, for continuing to work throughout this process, and for our hearts to remain fully fixed on Jesus through the process.... NO. MATTER. WHAT.
Thank you again for the prayers, we would not survive without them!
Sunday, February 22, 2015
The Hard Part
It has been awhile since I have posted and there has been A LOT going on! Since that time, I have started a new job that requires some consistent travel and The Jester's job has toned down quite a bit for the time being. We put our house on the market at the beginning of January and we have had pretty steady foot traffic, but no offers yet. We are officially in the matching process and so far, this is the hard part! Basically, we get a call or email and need to decide somewhat quickly whether or not we are interested and want more information.
Right before Christmas, we received a call about a sibling set (1.5 yr old boy and 6 mos old girl) that was removed from the home and needed emergency placement right away. Now, we were told that we would have a few weeks notice since the children typically being placed for adoption would be coming from a foster home. This was a different case which the social worker thought would probably be moving towards adoption, so they decided to try fost-adopt placement right from the beginning. The Jester was at the airport getting on a plane for a business trip, so I called him and asked him what he thought. We decided to say yes and called our awesome social worker. We were one of two families interested (with the other family also a Kinship Center family). Since it was an emergency placement, the social worker chose the other family because they live closer to the birth family. While we were somewhat relieved since it was such short notice and we were not quite ready at home, we took it much harder than we thought.
In the last 3 weeks, we have received calls/emails about 8 children. As I mentioned before, we had to select "criteria" we were comfortable parenting from the very beginning. The first four children offered were outside of the criteria we felt comfortable with, including a newborn baby boy, so we decided not to get more information/accept those placements. Then, we were emailed a sibling set of two girls who were much older (6 and 9 years old). While this was definitely outside the 0-4 years old age range we specified, their limited information profiles were so sweet and touching. We prayed and slept on the decision and decided to submit our home study for consideration. The way the process typically works for this county is that they wait about a month for all interested families, then they sit down and have a meeting with the social workers to determine who is the best match for the girls. At that point, whoever is selected sits down and has a "full disclosure meeting" with the key players in the children's lives and we would get more of the details of their "situations". If we were still comfortable, we would move forward with meeting the girls and transitioning them to our home.
When we do take a placement, we are required to attend Care Support Group, which is where all the Kinship Center families who have children get together and hear a speaker or discuss challenges they are facing related to their children. The Jester and I attended last weekend since Sharon Roszia, an adoption expert was speaking on Birth Parent Forgiveness. It was eye opening to hear her point of view on the children's birth parent relationships and how we should approach them with the children. The most difficult part of that whole day was when I saw the sibling set that was not placed with us. The couple who they are placed with was in our training class and if we had chosen another couple, it would have been them. They are so great, which makes me feel so much better about not getting that placement. But then..... I saw the kids..... I didn't realize that not getting that placement was hard on me until that moment. It was all I could do not to cry then, but I reminded myself that we will get the right placement at the right time, and God is in control.
This week, I am in the frigid "city" of Marion, IL for work and during my shuttle ride to the rental car pickup location, we received an email from our awesome social worker (by the way, thats her official title in our home) asking if we were interested in submitting our home study for a sibling set of 2 (Girl- 9mos, Boy-5 years) who both have developmental delays. Before I even saw the email, The Jester said yes and we have our homestudy submitted! This is the same county as the 2 older girls, so the process is the same and we will not know more about either for several weeks.
So far, we have not purchased anything since it seems we are more open to ages and number of children than we previously listed. BUT.... I was in Cracker Barrel (first time ever by the way) and saw the CUTEST little bumble bee dresses. Soooooo, I may or may not have purchased the 2T Black and White polka dot dress on the top row all the way to the right of the picture below......
Prayer Requests:
-The matching process is HARD, so prayers for our emotions are greatly appreciated.
-Selling our house for the right price at the right time
-Work: The Jester's contracts should be coming through soon, and that my travel will die down a bit, especially when we get a placement.
-For our kids... whoever they may be, wherever they are.....
Right before Christmas, we received a call about a sibling set (1.5 yr old boy and 6 mos old girl) that was removed from the home and needed emergency placement right away. Now, we were told that we would have a few weeks notice since the children typically being placed for adoption would be coming from a foster home. This was a different case which the social worker thought would probably be moving towards adoption, so they decided to try fost-adopt placement right from the beginning. The Jester was at the airport getting on a plane for a business trip, so I called him and asked him what he thought. We decided to say yes and called our awesome social worker. We were one of two families interested (with the other family also a Kinship Center family). Since it was an emergency placement, the social worker chose the other family because they live closer to the birth family. While we were somewhat relieved since it was such short notice and we were not quite ready at home, we took it much harder than we thought.
In the last 3 weeks, we have received calls/emails about 8 children. As I mentioned before, we had to select "criteria" we were comfortable parenting from the very beginning. The first four children offered were outside of the criteria we felt comfortable with, including a newborn baby boy, so we decided not to get more information/accept those placements. Then, we were emailed a sibling set of two girls who were much older (6 and 9 years old). While this was definitely outside the 0-4 years old age range we specified, their limited information profiles were so sweet and touching. We prayed and slept on the decision and decided to submit our home study for consideration. The way the process typically works for this county is that they wait about a month for all interested families, then they sit down and have a meeting with the social workers to determine who is the best match for the girls. At that point, whoever is selected sits down and has a "full disclosure meeting" with the key players in the children's lives and we would get more of the details of their "situations". If we were still comfortable, we would move forward with meeting the girls and transitioning them to our home.
When we do take a placement, we are required to attend Care Support Group, which is where all the Kinship Center families who have children get together and hear a speaker or discuss challenges they are facing related to their children. The Jester and I attended last weekend since Sharon Roszia, an adoption expert was speaking on Birth Parent Forgiveness. It was eye opening to hear her point of view on the children's birth parent relationships and how we should approach them with the children. The most difficult part of that whole day was when I saw the sibling set that was not placed with us. The couple who they are placed with was in our training class and if we had chosen another couple, it would have been them. They are so great, which makes me feel so much better about not getting that placement. But then..... I saw the kids..... I didn't realize that not getting that placement was hard on me until that moment. It was all I could do not to cry then, but I reminded myself that we will get the right placement at the right time, and God is in control.
This week, I am in the frigid "city" of Marion, IL for work and during my shuttle ride to the rental car pickup location, we received an email from our awesome social worker (by the way, thats her official title in our home) asking if we were interested in submitting our home study for a sibling set of 2 (Girl- 9mos, Boy-5 years) who both have developmental delays. Before I even saw the email, The Jester said yes and we have our homestudy submitted! This is the same county as the 2 older girls, so the process is the same and we will not know more about either for several weeks.
So far, we have not purchased anything since it seems we are more open to ages and number of children than we previously listed. BUT.... I was in Cracker Barrel (first time ever by the way) and saw the CUTEST little bumble bee dresses. Soooooo, I may or may not have purchased the 2T Black and White polka dot dress on the top row all the way to the right of the picture below......
-The matching process is HARD, so prayers for our emotions are greatly appreciated.
-Selling our house for the right price at the right time
-Work: The Jester's contracts should be coming through soon, and that my travel will die down a bit, especially when we get a placement.
-For our kids... whoever they may be, wherever they are.....
Saturday, November 22, 2014
Certified!!!
The rest of the training process was pretty straightforward. The last training session was a panel of current/past foster-adopt families who shared their experiences with us. It was incredible and frustrating to listen to their stories. A common theme throughout was just the huge number of foster families who are just in in for the subsidy. They do not care about the children, their needs, or have their best interest in mind when making decisions. There were a few who were lucky enough to have caring, good-hearted foster families taking care of their children before they were placed in their home. Another shocking realization was that when we meet with our social worker and the child's social worker to determine if it is a good match, we are given a rundown of the child's history and issues. These can be very misleading as its just the notes of the many social workers assigned to the child. Over time, this can be misinterpreted, assigned inappropriate labels, and affect the "adoptability probability" of the child. For example, one family met their son and was told he was considered "unadoptable." He was in foster care because he showed up to the hospital with severe head trauma. When they met him at 18 months old, he was on dozens of medications and was told they were unsure of his cognitive ability. He is now 3 years old, and was running around the room playing with his train. He is brilliant, is on NO medications, and interacts just like any other 3 year old boy. It just reaffirms the fact that when children are placed in a stable, loving home, they will grow leaps and bounds. They just need to be given a chance. All the stories were pretty similar... a scary history, a leap of faith, and growth beyond what was believed or anticipated.
Family-Friends Support Group
On October 13th, we had our physical home inspection and our social worker met with our family and close friends for a final evaluation. The home inspection took only about 15 minutes (and after all that preparing... sheesh!!) We ate dinner and our social worker answered the questions of our family members. It was much less painful than I anticipated and it was so nice to gather together and celebrate this new journey we are about to embark upon!
FINALLY CERTIFIED!!
Thursday, November 20th, we received an email that we are OFFICIALLY a certified foster-adopt family home and can begin the matching process! We aren't sure how long this will take or where our child will come from, but we are so excited to begin the next leg of the journey!
So excited!!!!
PRAYER REQUESTS:
- Boundless faith through the matching process, where we will have to make quick decisions with limited and oftentimes, scary information
- I am beginning a new career in a few weeks which will require me to travel. Please pray for coordinated schedules, plenty of family time, and flexibility.
- With the new job, we will be selling our home in the new year and moving. Please pray for wisdom throughout that process and determining where to live.
Family-Friends Support Group
On October 13th, we had our physical home inspection and our social worker met with our family and close friends for a final evaluation. The home inspection took only about 15 minutes (and after all that preparing... sheesh!!) We ate dinner and our social worker answered the questions of our family members. It was much less painful than I anticipated and it was so nice to gather together and celebrate this new journey we are about to embark upon!
FINALLY CERTIFIED!!
Thursday, November 20th, we received an email that we are OFFICIALLY a certified foster-adopt family home and can begin the matching process! We aren't sure how long this will take or where our child will come from, but we are so excited to begin the next leg of the journey!
PRAYER REQUESTS:
- Boundless faith through the matching process, where we will have to make quick decisions with limited and oftentimes, scary information
- I am beginning a new career in a few weeks which will require me to travel. Please pray for coordinated schedules, plenty of family time, and flexibility.
- With the new job, we will be selling our home in the new year and moving. Please pray for wisdom throughout that process and determining where to live.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
The Interviews
The last few weeks have been eventful in that we finished our training and went through three interviews!
We received our training completion- September 13, 2014
Couples Interview- September 2, 2014
It was a crazy morning because I passed out a few minutes after getting out of the shower. Since then, all my food allergies have disappeared... praise the Lord, I truly believe it was a miracle! We decided to forge ahead and drive to Orange County for our couples interview. We met with our social worker in her office and she proceeded to spend the next 60 minutes asking us questions about how we met, our marriage, how we handle conflict, what were our plans for child care, what do we do for fun, etc. We took turns answering her. It is interesting going through that experience because it gives you the opportunity to really think about your spouse, their wonderful qualities, and what they bring to the relationship. I am so excited and blessed to be able to go on this crazy journey with my best friend!
My Individual Interview- September 2, 2014
My individual interview was right after our couples interview with our social worker. She asked me about my family, my upbringing, religious beliefs, how I handle stress, how I view discipline, etc. It was pretty straightforward!
The Jester's Individual Interview- September 8, 2014
The Jester had his interview this past week. He was very nervous for it, but made it through just fine! They asked him the same questions.
Next up, Babyproofing our home for our home inspection!!!! The date is TBD, but should be happening in the next 3 weeks or so.
The babyproofing kit I picked up on EBTKS!!!
This past week, I had the opportunity to attend a foster-adopt support group held at our church. The speaker was a licensed Family Therapist and it ended up being a meeting where each of the participants discussed their children and how best to help them. Hearing their VERY intense, VERY real stories were both terrifying and exciting. It is very apparent that the foster-adopt process breaks you in every possible way and stretches you further than you ever thought possible. To take a child into your family that has seen hurt and pain way beyond anyone's years, and then love them despite their best intentions and efforts to push you away will be something that only God will be able to support us through. While I know the journey will seem thankless and unbearable at times, I need to remember that we are called to do this and by keeping anchored in Jesus, all things and transformations will be possible.
During my prayer time, I pray daily for our child(ren) and that they have a great, happy day. It struck me this week that we are nearing the end of the certification process and that it is highly likely that our child is already alive and existing. It made the urgency of my prayers that much greater. I know that they must go through unbearable pain and loss to become part of our family, but I pray that they know and feel the love and protection of Jesus through the process and that He will shelter them from the worst of it.
I have posted a video underneath our prayer requests that gives just a glimpse into the perspective of foster children. Its heart wrenching, but worth the watch if you have a few minutes!
-That I am content in my work and continue to view it as supportive of our impending big-life change.
- That God continues to create capacity in our hearts and lives for our new family members.
-While we understand conceptually that it may take several months before we receive a placement, I have an urgent feeling to GET THINGS READY RIGHT NOW! Perhaps its an urging because it is coming faster than we expect, or maybe it is just my excited anticipation talking!
Couples Interview- September 2, 2014
It was a crazy morning because I passed out a few minutes after getting out of the shower. Since then, all my food allergies have disappeared... praise the Lord, I truly believe it was a miracle! We decided to forge ahead and drive to Orange County for our couples interview. We met with our social worker in her office and she proceeded to spend the next 60 minutes asking us questions about how we met, our marriage, how we handle conflict, what were our plans for child care, what do we do for fun, etc. We took turns answering her. It is interesting going through that experience because it gives you the opportunity to really think about your spouse, their wonderful qualities, and what they bring to the relationship. I am so excited and blessed to be able to go on this crazy journey with my best friend!
My Individual Interview- September 2, 2014
My individual interview was right after our couples interview with our social worker. She asked me about my family, my upbringing, religious beliefs, how I handle stress, how I view discipline, etc. It was pretty straightforward!
The Jester's Individual Interview- September 8, 2014
The Jester had his interview this past week. He was very nervous for it, but made it through just fine! They asked him the same questions.
Next up, Babyproofing our home for our home inspection!!!! The date is TBD, but should be happening in the next 3 weeks or so.
The babyproofing kit I picked up on EBTKS!!!
This past week, I had the opportunity to attend a foster-adopt support group held at our church. The speaker was a licensed Family Therapist and it ended up being a meeting where each of the participants discussed their children and how best to help them. Hearing their VERY intense, VERY real stories were both terrifying and exciting. It is very apparent that the foster-adopt process breaks you in every possible way and stretches you further than you ever thought possible. To take a child into your family that has seen hurt and pain way beyond anyone's years, and then love them despite their best intentions and efforts to push you away will be something that only God will be able to support us through. While I know the journey will seem thankless and unbearable at times, I need to remember that we are called to do this and by keeping anchored in Jesus, all things and transformations will be possible.
During my prayer time, I pray daily for our child(ren) and that they have a great, happy day. It struck me this week that we are nearing the end of the certification process and that it is highly likely that our child is already alive and existing. It made the urgency of my prayers that much greater. I know that they must go through unbearable pain and loss to become part of our family, but I pray that they know and feel the love and protection of Jesus through the process and that He will shelter them from the worst of it.
I have posted a video underneath our prayer requests that gives just a glimpse into the perspective of foster children. Its heart wrenching, but worth the watch if you have a few minutes!
Prayer Requests:
- That God will bring the right child(ren) into our home in the right time and that we will be open to accepting who God has planned for our family, no matter the amount of needs or severity of the situation.-That I am content in my work and continue to view it as supportive of our impending big-life change.
- That God continues to create capacity in our hearts and lives for our new family members.
-While we understand conceptually that it may take several months before we receive a placement, I have an urgent feeling to GET THINGS READY RIGHT NOW! Perhaps its an urging because it is coming faster than we expect, or maybe it is just my excited anticipation talking!
Friday, August 22, 2014
Training Part One: A Whole New World!
To prepare us to be effective fost-adopt parents, we were required to attend a 30 hour course over the past few months to discuss the "special needs" of children in "the system." In our class, we have a diverse mix of family situations, and even those with decades of parenting experience were required to attend since apparently parenting biological children is WORLDS different than foster children. Each week, our eyes have been opened to the direness of the foster care system, the overwhelming need for more people to become certified, willing families, and to open their hearts and homes to children in need. My mother has attended many of the classes with us, which has been amazing!
First day of School... errr, Training! July 10, 2014
Week One/Two: Child Development, an Overview of the Process, and Introduction to Key Issues
Those of you who know me, know that I am OBSESSED with learning and have always loved school. Let's blame my teacher parents and grandparents (both sides) for my nerdiness, okay? Since I had already read a trillion books, articles, and blogs in anticipation, I was disappointed in how basic the first class was. Hello, it was an introduction... what was I thinking? The Jester said he learned a lot. We did have to do a disturbing exercise where we drew our perfect child, then ripped it up to get rid of our expectations. My mother refused to rip up her grandchild and instead stuffed it into her purse. Love my mom! Throughout this process, I have come to find out that I am a lot like my mother, which I am so proud of. My mother is one of the sweetest, happiest, and most genuine people I know, and if I am even a little like her, I am so lucky!
Week Three: The Legal System
Talk about ripping your hair out! This class was all about the legal system as it pertains to foster-adopt children. Even the social workers explained that it was a broken system and they children were the ones hurt. She went through a "perfect" scenario where everything followed along smoothly without continuances to permanency (aka= adoption). Say the child was removed from the home at 2 years old and did not go through the horrible process of being removed several times from their home. It take about 9 months (best case scenario if the parent doesn't follow their program at all) until the court decides the parent is unfit and their services are terminated. This means they are no longer getting assistance from the court, but they still have their rights. This is when a fost-adopt family is selected and the child is placed in a home with the intention towards adoption. Over the next 6-12 months, the court terminates the parental rights and adoption is finalized. Okay, lets summarize.... a child who has no fault in the matter is removed from their home at 2 years old, is moved from one foster home to another (we were told most were in about 3-4 homes before their adoptive home) over the next few years, and is finally adopted at 4. FOUR!! That is 2 years of having no permanence and relationships that don't last. Needless to say, this was an extremely discouraging week.
First day of School... errr, Training! July 10, 2014
Week One/Two: Child Development, an Overview of the Process, and Introduction to Key Issues
Those of you who know me, know that I am OBSESSED with learning and have always loved school. Let's blame my teacher parents and grandparents (both sides) for my nerdiness, okay? Since I had already read a trillion books, articles, and blogs in anticipation, I was disappointed in how basic the first class was. Hello, it was an introduction... what was I thinking? The Jester said he learned a lot. We did have to do a disturbing exercise where we drew our perfect child, then ripped it up to get rid of our expectations. My mother refused to rip up her grandchild and instead stuffed it into her purse. Love my mom! Throughout this process, I have come to find out that I am a lot like my mother, which I am so proud of. My mother is one of the sweetest, happiest, and most genuine people I know, and if I am even a little like her, I am so lucky!
Week Three: The Legal System
Talk about ripping your hair out! This class was all about the legal system as it pertains to foster-adopt children. Even the social workers explained that it was a broken system and they children were the ones hurt. She went through a "perfect" scenario where everything followed along smoothly without continuances to permanency (aka= adoption). Say the child was removed from the home at 2 years old and did not go through the horrible process of being removed several times from their home. It take about 9 months (best case scenario if the parent doesn't follow their program at all) until the court decides the parent is unfit and their services are terminated. This means they are no longer getting assistance from the court, but they still have their rights. This is when a fost-adopt family is selected and the child is placed in a home with the intention towards adoption. Over the next 6-12 months, the court terminates the parental rights and adoption is finalized. Okay, lets summarize.... a child who has no fault in the matter is removed from their home at 2 years old, is moved from one foster home to another (we were told most were in about 3-4 homes before their adoptive home) over the next few years, and is finally adopted at 4. FOUR!! That is 2 years of having no permanence and relationships that don't last. Needless to say, this was an extremely discouraging week.
We had the awesome privilege of babysitting to get John some experience with children!
Week Four: Attachment
Now, as you just heard, the children are moved around SO many times and people are in and out of their lives constantly. If you were that child, wouldn't you give up making friends or attachments with other people since it has ALWAYS resulted in pain and loss for you? Attachment is one of the biggest issues and hurdles in adoption and foster care. There are many children diagnosed with Attachment Disorder because they have never been able to form healthy attachments with anyone. (See prayer needs below)
Week Five: Openness in Adoption
This week was fascinating since they brought in a panel of people who had been adopted out of different situations and the themes were all too familiar. The major two feelings/fears of adopted/foster children are abandonment and rejection. In all of their relationships, even into adulthood, they fear being abandoned again or rejected for their feelings or behavior. These were grown, healthy adults (one was even a therapist) who were giving us invaluable insight into the minds of the children who will be placed into our home!
Week Six: Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and Neglect
I won't spend much time on this topic. Basically, the children are in care for a reason and ALL have experienced one of the three for an extended period of time. Most children do not fully describe what they have been through until they form healthy attachments, so we will have no idea what our child has experienced or lived through for quite awhile.
Week Seven: Transracial and Transcultural Placements
This was a very interesting week. We watched quite a few videos on transracial placements and how the children felt and did exercises on how to change your family from a one-race family to a multi-cultural family. The exercises were eye opening to me in that I did not realize how diverse my life and community really is, but also how much I do not know about living as a minority in this country. It gave us a lot to think and pray about!
This Saturday we have our all-day training on the end of the certification process, and next week is our final class, complete with a panel of adoptive and foster parents. So excited!!
If you have made it through to this point, please do keep reading. Each week, our hearts are breaking for these children in foster care. We hear story after story of children sleeping the offices of DCFS in Los Angeles County because there are not enough willing families. I encourage you, can you be one of those families? This process has required us to take a hard look at who we are, what our world looks like, and how we can make a difference. Please keep us in your prayers, especially about the concerns below. Though we feel led to go on this journey, it is so difficult to step out in faith into the unknown and take on the pain these children have endured. Your continued prayers mean so much to us!
Prayer Requests:
- That we remain open to the placement(s) God has in his will for us
- That we will be able to help our child form healthy attachments quickly in order to minimize their pain
- That we remain Christ-centered through the process
- While we understand that our child is going through or will soon go through traumatic experiences in order to come to us, we pray that through the process, there is someone who is there for them and they experience/know Christ's love and protection throughout the process.
Saturday, July 26, 2014
"The Process"... so far
We attended our informational orientation at the end of April and submitted our first packet of paperwork the next day. The packet went to the Kinship Director to be evaluated on whether or not it seemed we were a good fit for their agency, A few weeks later, we were assigned to and contacted by our Kinship social worker. She sent us another packet of paperwork and we set up an interview for June 9th.
Here is The Jester excitedly mailing our Paperwork #2!- May 2014
THE INTERVIEW
We weren't quite sure what to expect for the interview, but we went into the office and our social worker and her intern were there. It seemed very informal, but she asked us to expand on some of the questions we answered in the paperwork. Some of the questions were what religion do we practice, how do we intend to discipline the child, are we open to visitation from relatives and siblings, what are behaviors we would accept, etc. We were a little caught off guard by the "what type of behaviors would you accept" question. I asked her to give us examples of typical behaviors for foster children and she said for a child 0-4 years old, the main behavioral issues are: lying, stealing, tantrums, and hoarding food (since they are often starved and neglected). Besides the hoarding of food, these seemed like typical child behaviors every parent would need to address. What was surprising was that she said she had to ask because many people come in expecting a perfect child and they need to weed out those couples. Strange right? Of course these are not perfect children... is there such a thing? She liked our answers and felt we were a good fit and told us we would receive another packet in the mail and to get ready for our training!
This is a picture of us after our interview!- June 9, 2014
ChildSHARE DINNER
ChildShare is a non-profit, Christian organization who supports families going through the foster-adopt process. They provide encouragement, prayer, and guidance during the tough certification process and support once there is a placement. We met one of their recruiters, Stephen during our church's fost-adopt fair and have kept in touch ever since. He has been very supportive and assisted us in choosing a Foster Family Agency (Kinship). ChildShare hosts a dinner at their President's house for those in the cert process and we attended the dinner in Yorba Linda. We weren't expecting to have a great time, since when you put a bunch of random strangers in a room together, it typically ends up being awkward. Far from it! The staff shared stories about their own relationship with the fost-adopt process and answered our questions and addressed our fears. The President spent time in foster care himself and his story was just so inspirational! We left with a blanket for our little one and more hope for the journey we feel God has called us to take.
Such a fun, inspirational evening!- June 21, 2014
PACKET #3
The third packet was a DOOZY, let me tell you! It included tons of document requests: Original DMV records, copies of our marriage licenses, an emergency evacuation diagram of our home, and lots of other goodies. The most grueling part of the packet were the two questionnaires. Each of the sets of paperwork thus far have required us to outline our "preferences" for a child. Can I stop there? I think that is such a strange way to phrase that... almost as if we are picking out airline seats or a menu selection for a wedding... I guess there is not anything better to call it. Anyways.... Each packet has required us to delve a little deeper and be even more specific. This packet was VERY SPECIFIC on ages, gender or perceived gender, abilities, and backgrounds. Such a strange concept to have to ask yourself: Am I okay if the biological parents are Mother and Son? Father and Daughter? Step brother and Step Sister? Am I okay with a child who is born testing positive for ___________ (insert your drug name here)? At one point, it asked if we were okay with children who had explosive outbursts and The Jester mentioned, "Are they going to ask us if its alright if the kid has outbursts of using explosions? So many questions!" Well.... not two pages later and they ask if we are willing to accept a child who has a history of burning things on purpose. WOW.... its a shock to think about what some of these little ones have faced and overcome during their short lives. After that questionnaire, we each had an 18 page questionnaire to fill out asking about how we were raised, our relationships with our families, our marriage, how we deal with conflict, our religious views, etc. That part was not too difficult. The next part however, took a few days to get through. There was a section on family life and how things operate every day with children in the house. They specified that if we do not have children, we should write how we intend to deal with these things. Now, as a biological parent, you get to address things as they come, you know the child and have since birth. This is a different situation. We had to sit and talk about whether we felt it appropriate for children to sleep in our bed, until what age, are we strict, do we make exceptions, if so/when? We pretty much had to discuss our entire parenting philosophy right then and there. Thats not to say that we cannot change our minds as we become more experienced, but talk about hitting the ground at a sprint?!
Part of the packet required us to get fingerprinted. The Jester wanted to go to a Police station to ensure that our information was protected... no Mailboxes Etc. for us! I made 2 appointments for the next day. We showed up at 1:00pm to get fingerprinted and the woman informed us that since we each need to get for 2 different systems, that we needed 4 appointments. I asked if we could see if we could get everything done within our appointment times, and she said no. Since I was on my lunch break and The Jester works from home, we decided he would return another day. I went to the back and had my prints taken within 30 minutes. Hmmmm.... and why couldnt he have used the other appointment time for his? Bureaucracy at its best people!! Anyway, the grand total for each of us for fingerprints was $106!!! Holy frijoles that is a lot of paper!
MORE TO COME ON TRAINING IN A FEW!
THE INTERVIEW
We weren't quite sure what to expect for the interview, but we went into the office and our social worker and her intern were there. It seemed very informal, but she asked us to expand on some of the questions we answered in the paperwork. Some of the questions were what religion do we practice, how do we intend to discipline the child, are we open to visitation from relatives and siblings, what are behaviors we would accept, etc. We were a little caught off guard by the "what type of behaviors would you accept" question. I asked her to give us examples of typical behaviors for foster children and she said for a child 0-4 years old, the main behavioral issues are: lying, stealing, tantrums, and hoarding food (since they are often starved and neglected). Besides the hoarding of food, these seemed like typical child behaviors every parent would need to address. What was surprising was that she said she had to ask because many people come in expecting a perfect child and they need to weed out those couples. Strange right? Of course these are not perfect children... is there such a thing? She liked our answers and felt we were a good fit and told us we would receive another packet in the mail and to get ready for our training!
ChildSHARE DINNER
ChildShare is a non-profit, Christian organization who supports families going through the foster-adopt process. They provide encouragement, prayer, and guidance during the tough certification process and support once there is a placement. We met one of their recruiters, Stephen during our church's fost-adopt fair and have kept in touch ever since. He has been very supportive and assisted us in choosing a Foster Family Agency (Kinship). ChildShare hosts a dinner at their President's house for those in the cert process and we attended the dinner in Yorba Linda. We weren't expecting to have a great time, since when you put a bunch of random strangers in a room together, it typically ends up being awkward. Far from it! The staff shared stories about their own relationship with the fost-adopt process and answered our questions and addressed our fears. The President spent time in foster care himself and his story was just so inspirational! We left with a blanket for our little one and more hope for the journey we feel God has called us to take.
PACKET #3
The third packet was a DOOZY, let me tell you! It included tons of document requests: Original DMV records, copies of our marriage licenses, an emergency evacuation diagram of our home, and lots of other goodies. The most grueling part of the packet were the two questionnaires. Each of the sets of paperwork thus far have required us to outline our "preferences" for a child. Can I stop there? I think that is such a strange way to phrase that... almost as if we are picking out airline seats or a menu selection for a wedding... I guess there is not anything better to call it. Anyways.... Each packet has required us to delve a little deeper and be even more specific. This packet was VERY SPECIFIC on ages, gender or perceived gender, abilities, and backgrounds. Such a strange concept to have to ask yourself: Am I okay if the biological parents are Mother and Son? Father and Daughter? Step brother and Step Sister? Am I okay with a child who is born testing positive for ___________ (insert your drug name here)? At one point, it asked if we were okay with children who had explosive outbursts and The Jester mentioned, "Are they going to ask us if its alright if the kid has outbursts of using explosions? So many questions!" Well.... not two pages later and they ask if we are willing to accept a child who has a history of burning things on purpose. WOW.... its a shock to think about what some of these little ones have faced and overcome during their short lives. After that questionnaire, we each had an 18 page questionnaire to fill out asking about how we were raised, our relationships with our families, our marriage, how we deal with conflict, our religious views, etc. That part was not too difficult. The next part however, took a few days to get through. There was a section on family life and how things operate every day with children in the house. They specified that if we do not have children, we should write how we intend to deal with these things. Now, as a biological parent, you get to address things as they come, you know the child and have since birth. This is a different situation. We had to sit and talk about whether we felt it appropriate for children to sleep in our bed, until what age, are we strict, do we make exceptions, if so/when? We pretty much had to discuss our entire parenting philosophy right then and there. Thats not to say that we cannot change our minds as we become more experienced, but talk about hitting the ground at a sprint?!
Who can be so happy at a Police Station? July 8, 2014
Part of the packet required us to get fingerprinted. The Jester wanted to go to a Police station to ensure that our information was protected... no Mailboxes Etc. for us! I made 2 appointments for the next day. We showed up at 1:00pm to get fingerprinted and the woman informed us that since we each need to get for 2 different systems, that we needed 4 appointments. I asked if we could see if we could get everything done within our appointment times, and she said no. Since I was on my lunch break and The Jester works from home, we decided he would return another day. I went to the back and had my prints taken within 30 minutes. Hmmmm.... and why couldnt he have used the other appointment time for his? Bureaucracy at its best people!! Anyway, the grand total for each of us for fingerprints was $106!!! Holy frijoles that is a lot of paper!
MORE TO COME ON TRAINING IN A FEW!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)